Self-Interest: The New National Sport (And You’re Probably Playing It Too)

You ever notice how people these days treat kindness like it’s some sort of crypto investment? Like, they’ll only hold on to it if the value’s going up. But the second they realize there’s no profit in sight, poof—your “friendship” suddenly becomes as unavailable as customer service on a Friday at 4:59 p.m.

Now don’t get me wrong, you’ve probably done it too. Yes, you. Don’t look at me like that. Think about the last time you gave someone “advice” but deep down, you only did it because you were hoping they’d say, “Wow, you’re so wise. How can I ever repay you?” It’s not charity, my friend. That’s just self-interest wearing a halo.

People nowadays operate on this unspoken formula:

Effort = Reward.

No reward? Then why bother. It’s like lending someone a pen—you’re not worried about the pen. You just want the glory of being known as the “always prepared” person. Until, of course, they don’t return it, and suddenly you’re drafting a missing pen report like it’s a crime scene.

What’s wild is how shameless it’s become. Folks don’t even try to hide their self-interest anymore. They’ll straight-up say things like:

• “Why should I help you move? There’s no pizza in it for me.”

• “Of course I liked her photo. She has more followers, it’s strategic networking.”

• “Yes, I came to your party, but only because I heard there’d be free booze.”

And honestly, it’s kind of impressive. Self-interest is the new honesty. Forget love languages—these days people speak in ROI (Return on Interaction).

Here’s the thing: when someone finally does something genuinely selfless, it feels so rare you don’t know how to react. Like, if a stranger held the door open for you with no strings attached, you’d be suspicious. What’s the catch? Are they selling insurance? Kidnapping me? Or worse—inviting me to a pyramid scheme presentation?

Here's the reality: we live in a world where nearly everyone is trying to be the "Main Character," while the rest of us are merely background extras until we're needed. But before you start blaming others, remember—you’re guilty of this too. We all are. Humanity is driven by self-interest just as cars are by petrol. It's unavoidable. The key is not to be so blatant about it that others start holding it against you.

So next time you catch yourself only helping because there’s free food involved, just admit it. Own your selfish little heart. At least make it funny. Because if we’re all going to be self-interested anyway, we might as well laugh about it… and maybe, just maybe, share the pizza.