Alright, let’s talk about one of life’s biggest mysteries: why do bad things happen to good people? You wake up early, drink your green smoothie, hold the door open for an elderly stranger, and even pretend to like your coworker’s 500th cat photo. You’re practically a saint! So why, dear universe, do you still get stuck in traffic, spill coffee on your white shirt, and stub your pinky toe on furniture you swear wasn’t there before?
Theory #1: The Universe Has a Dark Sense of Humor
Let’s face it—somewhere out there, the universe has a control panel, and some celestial intern named Chad is pressing the “Annoy This One” button just for fun. Did you remember to bring an umbrella? Boom. Instant sunshine. Forgot it? Say hello to a rainstorm so aggressive it feels personal.
It’s almost like the universe knows when you’re wearing your best outfit and schedules a ketchup attack accordingly. Ever had your phone slip right out of your hands onto your face while texting in bed? Yeah, Chad’s watching.
Theory #2: Karma is on a Coffee Break
You do good things, and karma is supposed to return the favor. But have you ever noticed that karma seems to take its sweet time getting back to you? It’s like ordering an online package—you’re expecting instant results, but instead, your “reward” gets lost in transit, and the only thing arriving is another inconvenience.
You helped a friend move? Boom—your back hurts for a week. You gave your last piece of gum to a stranger? Surprise! Now your breath smells like regret. You let a car merge in front of you? That same car is now going 20 mph below the speed limit. Karma, explain yourself.
Theory #3: The Good People Test™
Maybe, just maybe, the universe is conducting The Good People Test™. You know, to make sure you’re really a good person and not just faking it for social media likes. How do you react when your WiFi stops working during a Netflix binge? Or when you step on a LEGO barefoot? Do you still keep your cool when your phone battery dies at 1%—even though it was literally at 90% ten minutes ago?
If you survive all that without turning into an actual villain, congratulations! You pass. Unfortunately, your prize is nothing, but at least now you can proudly say, “I didn’t punch a wall today.”
So What’s the Solution?
Honestly? There isn’t one. Bad things happen to good people because the universe is chaotic, and sometimes life just trips you for no reason. But hey, at least we can laugh about it. And if all else fails, just remember: karma does work… it’s just stuck in traffic.
So keep being good, my friend. Your reward might be late, but when it arrives, it’ll be worth the wait. (Probably.)
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